Being at the bedside during birth

“I cried, definitely - that was an incredible feeling. There’s nothing that has surpassed that yet for me.”

If Hollywood movies are to be believed, the Dad's role at the bedside is to cheer his wife through the brief and bloodless birth, before holding his new child to his chest and weeping with tears at the sheer wonder of it all.

For some men it is like that, but don't worry if it isn't for you. Births can go on for hours, even days, so there's no shame if your mind wonders from time to time, and you don't instantly bond with the screaming bundle thrust in your hands.

While in days gone by Dads were banished to the waiting room, birthing is now a father-friendly process, and you’re encouraged to be part of it. Why? Because you really can make a genuine difference in helping your partner feel relaxed. She’s in extreme pain and discomfort, probably away from home, and surrounded by strangers talking medical jargon.

Even if you’ve skipped on ante-natal classes, it's incredibly reassuring for her to have someone she loves and trusts around her. But you need to check with her that this is what she wants. She may feel that she can’t say no and that she wants her best friend there instead, or her best friend and you.

If you're separated from the mother of your child and she doesn't want you at the birth, respect her wishes - you'll do yourself no favours in the long run if you try and force the issue and make an already stressful situation worse.

If you have done ante-natal classes with her, then you’re one of the most valuable members of the team. The hospital staff and your partner will look to you to help regulate her breathing and keep her calm.

If you think you’ve got a weak stomach and wouldn’t be able to face the mess, you’d be surprised. The actual experience is so absorbing that you’re unlikely even to have time to think about it. If you do feel nauseous, then you can always step outside. Birth can make you feel extremely anxious - some men can even get violent, but try to keep calm throughout - even if you're worried that nurses are taking too long between checks or not paying your partner enough attention.

Above all, keep in mind that this is not a repeatable event; miss it and it’s gone. It’s the very moment that you become a Father – forever.

Dads-Space will be running a feature on your experiences of being at the bedside (or not) during birth. We’d love to hear from you about your experiences. Why not drop us a line at
editor@dads-space.com.