Many couples find that, after they have children, it is easy to fall into gender stereotypes. Even when, before becoming a family, they were in an equal partnership and supportive of each others’ career – when baby comes it is very easy to start thinking in terms of ‘bread winner’ and ‘home maker’. Nature has a part to play in this. Women, by default, take on the lion’s share of responsibility when it comes to nurturing – firstly, by carrying the baby for nine months, then labour, birth and breastfeeding. In fact, it is not uncommon for men to feel rather left out and looking for a role. New dads often see work as their way of ‘doing something’, focusing their attention on bringing in as much money as possible, and subsequently missing out on lots of bonding opportunities with their newborn.
Not so long ago, dads were seen as the provider for the family – and keeping the family afloat financially is still a big worry for most men. Dads were also often seen as disciplinarians - with Mother using Dad’s return from work as a threat against bad behaviour - ‘Just you wait until your father gets home!’ Sure, Dad had a role sorting out the barbeque, mending a broken toy, or tinkering under the bonnet of the car... and given that these stereotypes were constantly reinforced by popular culture, it is not that surprising that men found it easy to stay on script.
Children benefit hugely if they have input from both parents. Mums and Dads tend to interact with babies and children in different ways. Dads will often be more playful and promote physical activities, encouraging independence and achievement. Mums are often more nurturing and protective.
Try to spend as much time as possible with your baby. Even if paternity leave is not an option, do all you can to find a balance between work and family life. Establish boundaries with work early on and your employer should soon adjust; if you used to regularly work late, then you might make an effort to leave on time. Babies and children love routine – knowing you will be home for bath time, for example, will help them to feel secure and loved.