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Bonding with teenagers

Bonding with teenagers

Teenagers can be difficult to live with. With all the changes that are happening with them, physically and emotionally, it is hardly surprising that teenagers can be moody. A lot of teenagers find themselves experimenting with their own identity – finding out who they think they really are. This push for independence can test the father-child bond. Teenagers often find their parents embarrassing and will want to rebel against whatever version of normality you have lived with (and maybe drummed into them) during their early years.

Some parents think that the way to handle this change is to become their child’s friend. This works for some people, but – despite noisy arguments to the contrary – what most teenagers need during this confusing time is a parent. Your relationship will inevitably change – and acknowledging your child’s increasing maturity is important – but try not to lose sight of your responsibility to be a guide and mentor.

So how do you maintain a strong bond with your teenager?

Accept that your teenager needs space from time to time. Be there when they need you, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries – but accept some of their boundaries too. Develop mutual trust and respect.
Do things together. This may seem obvious – but with your teenager’s increasing independence and social life, you might have to schedule time for you to do an activity with just the family. Don’t force activities on them, but try to find things that you both enjoy doing.
Support them with their chosen hobby. You turned up at their nativity plays when they were at primary school, right? Well, even if they say they don’t care, your presence at their football game, concert or school play will make a huge difference.
Be positive. Set an example to them by being positive with your language – about your achievements and their own. Teenagers need a lot of nurturing if they are to maintain their self-esteem. Reinforce all the good things about them, their achievements and your relationship. You will inevitably go through some rocky times, but don’t let these overshadow.
Try to eat together as a family. Eat at the table, rather than in front of the TV. It is a fantastic way to open up communication. Get the conversation going by sharing something about your day (show that you respect their opinion) and listen carefully.
Help out with homework. It may seem like a chore (for both of you) - but it can really help with the bond. It will help you flex your brain muscles too!
Play games together. Board games, card games, video games. It is takes the pressure off the conversation.
Be there to pick up the pieces. Teenagers can be very emotional – and relationships with friends are often fragile. Let you teenager know you are a stable and loving presence in their life, and they will come to you for advice, comfort and support.