If the mother of your baby is breastfeeding then it can seem like you don’t have much of a part to play during the first few months of fatherhood. Breastfeeding helps to develop a very strong bond between mother and child. When you combine this exclusive experience with the stretches of time mother spends alone with baby during maternity leave, it is hardly surprising that many men feel left out and unsure how to get involved.
The problem is, if you start out with unequal parenting roles it is easy for this to become the norm – and this can lead to all sorts of frustrations later on. Have you ever seen Dads failing to maintain control of their kids? The chances are he hasn’t spent enough time with them to establish proper boundaries and authority. ‘Weekend Dads’ can often be spotted trying to read the Sunday papers in coffee shops while their kids run wild ignoring ineffectual demands to sit still. Let them be a warning to you!
So, how can you get fully involved with parenting during while baby is still nursing? Here are some ideas:
- If mum is able to express, then suggest that you take over one feed a day using a bottle of pumped milk. Many couples use this bottle as one of the middle-of-the-night feeds, so that both partners get a decent amount of sleep. You might wish to share feeding duties around your natural sleep needs. Some couples find that Dad can stay up late, while Mum is a natural early riser so work out who feeds when based on that.
- If you don’t want to use bottles, you can still get involved in before and after rituals. You can bring baby to mum, change nappies, burping, rock and cuddle. For the first few weeks you might even choose to do this for the night time feeds. This way you will find that you both own the experience of comforting and settling baby.
- Babies love skin to skin contact. Especially during night feeds, you might want to feed baby without your shirt on!
- Become a baby expert. If you, as a couple, prefer for mum to do all the early feeding that doesn’t stop you from becoming an authority on other aspects of baby’s routine. Be the sling-wearer/nappy-changer/chief bather!
- If you still feel that you aren’t taking on all you want, then make sure you get to take a lead on weaning baby. Once your baby begins to eat solids, then you can have a completely equal role in feeding.
