Changing relationships - the first year

After nine months of stress, classes and the odd row, your baby has arrived. Your partner’s come home from the hospital and the rush of anxiety about the baby’s health has gone. You should be feeling ecstatic, but instead, you can’t help feeling abandoned, put upon by the demands of Mother and child, and just a little bit jealous or left out.

“Something a bit ‘old couple’ happened to us and, yeah, and it got cool to sit in and watch some television and drink some tea.”

Your life’s never going to be the same; and your relationship with your partner has changed too. Be warned that this is a much, much bigger hormonal change than her monthly period. She’s tired and the demands on her body are huge, and her instincts are telling her to put all of her efforts into looking after this little cub.

Up until now, you’ve had one big advantage: you’re a man. You’ve not had swollen ankles, a sore back, piles and morning sickness. And right now your nipples aren’t sore and you’re not lactating in public when you hear your child cry. The best thing you can do for your child at this stage is to support its Mother and get involved with the childcare as much as you can.

• Take over some of the baby care to let your partner rest. This is also a great chance for you to bond with your child.
• Be patient with her demands – offering her help in advance will make things easier.
• Take over many of the household tasks your partner might normally do.
• Think ahead, take some of the planning burden off her – make sure things like the shopping are taken care of.

It will take time for your partner’s sexual appetite to return, so be patient. There’s a perfectly natural reason for this: she’s just had a child and it wouldn’t be good for her or her child for her to become pregnant again right away. Also, she may not physically feel like it for sometime. It's easy to let this initial rejection push you into the realms of isolation and fantasy, but don't let this become a source of resentment - instead find other ways to remain close to your partner. Having baths together, indulging in foreplay and making her feel loved and protected will all help her appetite return soon enough.

Dads-Space will be running a series of articles and features on changing relationships. We’d love to hear from you about your experiences. Why not drop us a line at editor@dads-space.com.