First overnight contact

After getting to know each other and when your child’s mother or carer or the courts feel you are ready for the responsibility of having care of your child overnight, it can be exciting to think they can come and stay.

First things first:

The visit is for your child’s sake. Especially on the first time, you should keep visits from other friends to a minimum, particularly if your child hasn’t met them.

Make sure you know where they will sleep and that you have bedding for them. Don't forget to ask mum what time they usually go to bed! 

Think about what you can cook for you both to eat – check what they are allergic to or what they have told you they love or hate. You don’t have to cook something fancy, instead you can enjoy cooking something together or do something simple quick but healthy, like a baked potato with baked beans or salad, so that you can enjoy spending time together. Don’t rely on filling your child up with crisps, sweets and snacks – these are best kept to a minimum unless you want to be kept up all night by a child with a sugar high.

Agree with your child’s mum or carer how you will collect and return your child, the timing, if you are going to use someone else’s house to meet in, etc.

Make sure you know the bus route or car journey to pick them up and deliver them to where they have to be at the end of the visit – don’t rely on your child to know this.

Check that you know what discipline rules are but try not to have to use them.

Remember the basics – your child will need to be fed, bathed, put to bed and depending on age, may need nappy changing or help with getting ready for bed or cleaning their teeth and so on.
Stick to some routines but be flexible about your plans. Maybe you wanted to go to the park but it’s raining – what can you do indoors, or is there somewhere else you can go which isn’t so wet? If you are watching a film you are both enjoying then maybe a slighty later bedtime (30 minutes or so) is OK, particularly if it isn’t a school night, but don’t let it creep up into a really late night otherwise you will have a grumpy child in the morning.

Check all this with your child’s mum if possible – you don’t have to do this directly but could use the phone or text or email or a third party if you can’t do this face to face without arguing or someone getting upset.