So you’ve just found out that your teen is having sex. What do you do now? First of all, follow these two quintessentially British pieces of advice. 1. DON’T PANIC. 2. Keep calm and carry on, or in other words keep reading. You can’t police your teen 24/7 (and probably wouldn’t want to be) but you can make sure they know the facts about sex and all that goes with it.
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Don’t go all raging bull. Whatever you do, don’t break down their door and start screaming. You may be angry or hurt, but if you become confrontational, you’ll risk alienating them, and they might never feel that sex is a subject they can talk to you about—even if they get into trouble.
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Ask questions. Try to show a calm, genuine interest in how they feel, the pressures they’re under from their peer group, and who they’re involved with. This can be a way into talking honestly and frankly about sex and relationships, and give your teen the impression that they can come to you for advice and help whenever they need to.
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Take a field trip to the GP or sexual health clinic! It’s worth asking your teen if you can take them to your GP or local sexual health clinic so that they can discuss, in confidence, their choices with a health professional. A doctor or nurse can also explain different methods of contraception and protection. Many birth control methods are free on the NHS.
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The superhero principle: with great power comes great responsibility. Make sure your teen understands that sex has consequences, some of them serious but eventually fleeting, like a badly broken heart, while others are serious and life-changing. Explain to them that an unwanted pregnancy can lead to some very hard choices and life paths that adults find difficult, and that STIs (sexually transmitted infections) aren’t just itchy—some of them can be lethal. Yes, sex is fun, but they also need to understand that it’s also one of life’s biggest responsibilities.
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Make sure they’re having sex for the right reasons. Tell your teen that having sex to feel pretty/thin/hot, or to prove that you love someone, or because all your friends are doing it, are pretty terrible reasons. They should have sex when, and with who, they want to—and make sure that they know it’s never okay to be pressured into having sex or put that pressure on someone else.
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You are the bearer of unconditional things. Remind your teen that as their dad, you’ll be with them through thick and thin. Isn’t that the best part about being a dad?
This is the beginning of a journey that will take your teen into adulthood. You might need to accept along the way that your teen’s values and priorities may not be the same as yours when it comes to sex, but this is all a part of growing up. Check out our article
Talking about sex: teens and for more information watch this video from the Parent Channel:
There's a
useful leaflet from teachernet.gov.uk and you can also visit
Got A Teenager for information about parenting