As adults, puberty seems a distant memory—we might imagine that hair’s always been there, or that we’ve always needed to shave and wear deodorant. But for kids approaching that age, when voices squeak, hormones rage, and body parts will pop out of nowhere, it’s important that they’re prepared for those changes. It’s also important that you talk frankly with them about sex, in a more sophisticated way than when they were smaller. Here are some top tips for talking to your tween about those upcoming years of ch-ch-changes:
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Rehearse the conversation You might want to rehearse saying things like “penis,” “vagina” and “pubic hair” without giggling or blushing. Depending on the age of your children, and their school’s sexual education programme, your child might already know a little or a lot about sex. But don’t leave the sex talk all to you child’s school: just like you might teach them how to cook (and not set the kitchen alight) outside of their home economics classes, you’ll want them to feel this is something they can talk about at home.
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Talking to your kids about sex won’t make them go out and do it. In fact, research has shown that kids who discussed sex openly with their parents, and had an early understanding of what sex is have sex later, and are more likely to use contraception when they do.
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The good: make sure talking to your older child about sex and puberty isn’t all doom and gloom. Remind them that sex has a deeply emotional aspect, and can be an important part of a healthy, mature relationship. Make sure they feel that they can talk to you about relationships (and everything after!), and remember that the simple “when a mummy and daddy love each other very much…” probably won’t cut it with a thirteen-year-old whose favourite TV show is Skins.
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The bad: STIs and teen pregnancy. That being said, make sure your children know that sex can have life-long emotional and physical consequences. Talk to your tween about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), and how they can vary from being mildly annoying (like crabs) to the life-threatening (like HPV and HIV), as well as how a new baby is a massive responsibility.
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The (sometimes) ugly: puberty. Puberty can be a pretty be a pretty massive shock, so make sure your child has advance warning. Be honest: make sure they know about the hair, the acne, the sweat, the periods, the wet dreams, squeaking voices, the breasts and testicles and the growing pains. There’s no reason why boys shouldn’t learn about the joys of menstruation, or girls shouldn’t learn about testicles dropping.
It’s important that your child feels this is a conversation they can come back to time and again, as issues arise in their lives. Have a look at this video courtesy of Parent Channel TV:
There's a
useful leaflet from teachernet.gov.uk and you can also visit
Got A Teenager for information about the terrible teens coming.