Teenagers are strange creatures. They’re just becoming aware of their social surroundings, and beginning to form adult opinions and taste. Well, while they might decide they actually like asparagus, you’re not too sure about the blue hair. But they lack the maturity and experience to fully operate their newly big and almost adult bodies and minds. Add to that a swirling mess of hormones, Facebook, and first dates, and your teen might be a mass of confusion, anger and angst. And it’s up to you to be their guide, warden, and information service, especially with regards to that most important of topics: sex. So here are some top tips about talking to your teen about sex:
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Talking to your kids about sex won’t make them go out and do it. In fact, research has shown that kids who discussed sex openly with their parents, and had an early understanding of what sex is, have sex later, and are more likely to use contraception when they do.
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Under pressure. Make sure your teen has the confidence to choose to have sex when, and with who, they want to. This might seem like an absolute no-brainer, but your teen may be under an amazing amount of pressure to do the horizontal tango—and not just teen girls from their horny teen boyfriends. Boys and girls can both feel pressured to have sex before they’re ready, and not just from their partners, but from peers and, well, society in general. (Have you seen a music video lately, or heard a pop record? If not, switch on MTV, and you’ll see what we mean in about thirty seconds.)
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Self-esteem. Similarly, teen girls and boys might feel pressured to have sex or stay in a less than happy and mature relationship because of issues they have with their self-esteem. Even grown-ups sometimes feel the need to have sex to prove that they’re pretty/thin/ripped/hot, so make sure that they know there’s no vital or logical connection between getting down and being cute. Use examples from real life if you need to.
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Sex is a many splendored thing. Remind your teen that while sex is fun, feels good, and it’s an utterly natural thing to enjoy with the right person, sex can also get you hurt. Sex can have dire physical and emotional consequences: some are just really annoying, like crabs, and some can really, really suck. Make sure they know all about things like HIV, HPV, and unplanned pregnancies, and that they understand sex is like being Spiderman: with great power comes great responsibility.
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Contraception: go shopping! Make sure your teen is aware of different methods of contraception, and what each method protects against: the pill, for example, protects against pregnancy but not Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Tell them that contraception and protection is the responsibility of both partners, and that it’s actually quite cool to throw someone out of bed for refusing to have safer sex.
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Sexuality: Gay is Okay. There’s a chance your teen might be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered or questioning. They need to know that you’ll accept them for who they are—and if there’s anything being a dad’s about, it’s unconditional love, right?
The most important thing for your teen to know is that you’re a source of sensible, sound advice and facts, and that you’re not going to panic, freak out, and go all raging bull when they come to you with questions about relationships and sex. There's a great video from Parent Channel TV on the subject:
There's a
useful leaflet from teachernet.gov.uk and you can also visit
Got A Teenager for information about parenting