It just doesn’t matter what the circumstances were, or whose fault you think it was, or if you think you have changed, or if it wasn’t in front of the children or if you think they didn’t get your side of the story: children just don’t like people hurting either of their parents.
If you hurt their mummy, even though you are the other parent, it’s going to be confusing for them at best and very upsetting and frightening for them at worst to see you or have contact with you, at least for a while. You hurting or abusing their mum almost certainly affected them and probably still does. They may be angry at you.
Some children will be able to deal with this quite quickly and want to see you very much, which is great. Others will need longer or have to take things in stages to build up their trust in you.
No matter how long it takes before your child is ready for contact, you will still have to make sure that this is OK for their mum. If she is still frightened of you it will be vital to make sure that the contact doesn’t make this worse, otherwise this will also affect your children. For example, you may have to arrange to pick the children up from a child contact centre, or start off by having only indirect contact for a while, or supervised at a child contact centre. Luckily Dads' Space can help with this –
our free 1-2-1 service can provide you with a way of having indirect contact which mums can feel safe with. We can also help put you in touch with specialist child contact centres if necessary.
It's totally possible that you will ultimately be able to have a relationship with your kids. It's just going to take a lot of hard work on your part.
See this article for more information about how violence might have affected your relationship with your child.
Next: After violence - putting things right