Positive things you can offer your child

It’s difficult when you are apart from your child to get an idea of what you have to offer. If you are in the forces and posted away from your family, or if the courts have decided you can’t have contact directly, it can feel frustrating.

But no matter how short or limited the contact, even if it is indirect, or even if it is very infrequent, there are positive things you could offer your child. Think about what you valued in your own dad, or father figure. If you didn’t live with your dad, think about what you would have liked, or what you did get from them when you did see them, or your memories of what you once had.

Or think about another father you know, perhaps one of your friends, and what their children get from them. Or ask people what they think. Some people have written about their dads on dadspace, have a look around the site. You can ask friends or relatives what they think you have to offer. This will help you to get a sense of what you can offer your children, and you'll quickly see it’s not the PlayStation that counts most in their lives.

• A sense of identity, where they come from, who their family is
  
• An understanding of why their parents don’t live together
  
• A positive role model
  
• Unconditional love
  
• Someone taking an interest in their lives, listening to their problems and being there for them
  
• Helping them to work out how to tackle their problems, large and small
  
• Celebrating their achievements with them
  
• Remembering what’s going on in their lives and what’s important to them
  
• Encouragement with homework – this doesn’t mean you doing it!
  
• Support through exams and other difficult times at school
  
• Listening to them talk about what they want to do in life, their ideas about school, college, jobs, family, as they grow up
  
• Someone who will remember things that happened when they were children

Some of these things will be possible even if you only have very limited or indirect contact. Have a look at our free 1-2-1 service, as this could provide you with a great way to keep in touch with your kids even if you can’t see them at the moment.

Next: Why your kids might not want to see you yet