So you’re a single dad. Maybe you share custody of your kids with your ex, or maybe your brood live with you. You might find that the time has come to date again. But it’s complicated. Introducing a new lady love to your friends is tricky enough—but what about to your kids? Here are some top tips for dealing with dating and sex as a single dad, and how best to cope with that all important first impression your children will have of a new girlfriend.
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Try to avoid a rotating door policy. If you’re having a series of fast and furious flings, it’s best not to introduce your children to a series of fleeting girlfriends/soulmates/friends-with-benefits. Remember, with kids it’s monkey see, monkey do—so this might impact on their ability to form stable bonds as adults. So wait until you find a new partner that you’re serious about, and have future with.
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Take it slow. Okay, so you’re head over heels in love with a special lady. Your kids likely won’t be so enthusiastic. It’ll take time for them to adjust, so it’s important that they don’t think you’ve chosen a replacement parent for them without their input. Keep it casual and chilled out with your new partner in relation to your kids.
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Talk to your kids. Have an ongoing conversation with them that goes both ways—make sure you listen to how they feel, and give your feedback. It’s important that your children feel that they are listened to, and have some input into any changes that happen. That being said, it’s also paramount that they understand that your new girlfriend makes you happy: not, of course, that you were unhappy before— but this is a different kind of happiness.
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Sleepovers. Make sure your children have met your new partner before she stays the night. Also, it’ll be great if your new best girl can come over for the family meal, and then you can explain that she’s staying for a “sleepover.” This might make your kids feel more comfortable than if she turns up after they’ve gone to bed.
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As time goes by. This may seem pretty obvious, but make sure you still spend plenty of time with your kids without your new partner, and one and one with each child. Change can be hard for children, so they’ll definitely need some dad time to help them cope.
For more information on dating as a single parent, check out
New Relationships on the OnseSpace website, and for resources and factsheets for single parents, visit the
Gingerbread website.