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Take it slow!

Take it slow!

Can you answer these questions?

Be honest! No-one is testing you out here. This is for your benefit, to help you to be the best dad you can be. Take time to work on this and add other questions you may think of. If you answer “no” to any of them, see if you can work out what you will need to do to change this. There is lots of help on Dads' Space and you can contact our helpdesk if you can’t find the information you need.

Links to other sites

Can you:

Put aside any bitterness you feel towards your ex, no matter how justified you think you are, and not show any of this to your child or to your ex AT ALL?
Appreciate and respect what your ex does for your child every day?
Understand and accept the fact that your child might not want to see you yet? Or ever? Or might change their mind? And that this will be their decision and you will have to abide by it?
Focus on what’s best for your child?
Accept that children can and do make up their own minds about the situation and not blame your ex if your child wants to have a break from you or not see you?
Put in the work necessary to get to know your child and accept that it might be slow, painful and will feel like a one-way street?
Make and stick to a regular commitment, no matter what, re-arranging your own life if necessary? Cancelling your own social or work engagements if that’s what’s needed? Can you suck up to your boss to get that extra afternoon off to watch your child play football at school?

Do you:

Want to be a positive influence and role model for your child?
Feel able to learn what your child needs, even if this means having to talk to your ex and sometimes just take her word for it, or do some other work on your own without her help to find out about child development and children’s needs?
Have the stability in your own life to be able to stick to commitments?
Know for sure that your child and ex aren’t frightened of you – particularly if you used violence in the past?

Next: Positive things you can offer your child