Talking with your kids

You come home from work, it's been a rubbish day, you're tired, there's a pile of bills on the doormat, and now you've got to be a Dad for a few hours. It's no wonder parents find it hard to communicate with their kids.

Adults in Britain work longer hours than almost anywhere in the world and in many families, both parents work. Schoolkids in Britain have more tests than anwhere else in the world, not to mention all that homework. Everyone's stressed, unappreciated and feeling depressed.

Talking about things with your family can really help you feel better though. When was the last time you sat as a family and just talked? (Sitting in a car and arguing doesn’t count.) We never seem to get the chance to just talk nowadays, and even if the family’s all sitting in the same room, it’s usually watching TV. (Or arguing about what to watch on TV.)

“We’ve always had a very close relationship. And I think you’ve got to be first and foremost a friend, a confidante to your kids.”

Talking really does help families cope with stress. Your kids need to learn about what life is like for you, as an adult, because you’re a role-model for them. You need to understand the pressures they have at school – the friendships, the bullying, the pressures of exams, their hopes and dreams. You need to be part of your child’s life and they need to know who you are. The more talk there is, the easier it is to talk. It will be easier to get this out in the open and talked through. All of this will help you feel much better and closer together.

You’re busy, your partner’s busy and your children are busy – where are you going to get the time to talk?

• Plan ahead, set the time aside.
• If you or your children are doing too many things, cut some of them out.
• Try to have at least one meal a week together where you sit at a table, with the TV and radio off (someone’s bound to crack and talk first!).
• Create activities that lead to talking; playing is often a good time to talk.
• Don’t put your child on the spot, respect their boundaries and remember what’s right for their age.

Being able to talk openly and personally is a skill that will help your children be happy. Helping your children be happy is your job, and particularly for boys, who often find this talking stuff hard, you need to lead by example.

Make sure you talk to your partner too, as the kids may tell them things that they don't tell you, and try to chat to other Dads too - you'll be surprised how similar your experiences are.

Dads-Space will be running a series of articles, features and tips on making time for your kids. We’d love to hear from you about your experiences. Why not drop us a line at editor@dads-space.com.