- Always remember, it’s not about you it’s about them. Of course, this doesn’t mean you just do what they want, what they want and what they need or is going to happen aren’t always the same thing. Children aren’t there to be your friend and being a parent is mainly not about treats, it’s about spending time together, helping them to understand the world and how to be in it, encouraging them to develop, guiding them when they get in difficulties and basically getting their fundamental needs met, you know, getting them fed, bathed and watered and in bed on time.
- Enjoy things you do together which are special for your relationship – maybe something they enjoy doing but their mum doesn’t, such as a hobby or sport or music that you have in common. Or maybe something they do which you never would but just because they are your child, you go along and enjoy yourself anyway.
- Doing things together doesn’t have to cost lots of money and in fact it’s better for all of you if it doesn’t. You don’t need to go out to eat if your child can visit you at your home or someone else’s – you can cook together or you can cook for them whilst they do their homework or play a game or something else.
- If in doubt and until and unless there is a really good reason and you know your child really well, always stick to the rules their usual carer has for them if you can. OK, maybe you wouldn’t do things just like them if it was you in charge and maybe you feel that you should be in charge but that doesn’t matter as much as your child’s need for consistency from both parents. It won’t help your relationship to sneak behind their mum’s back or to encourage them to keep things secret from their mum. Remember, whatever you think of their mum, your child loves them and just isn’t going to be impressed if you try to undermine them, kids can spot these things.
Next: Building up contact at your child's pace