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Why your kids might not want to see you yet

 
Making contact

If you’ve never had contact - or not for a while at least, you might find that your child doesn’t want to see you. It might be that your child isn’t ready for lots of contact, or wants to take things slowly, or would prefer indirect contact (like our Dads' Space 1-2-1 service). Or it might be that they need some time to sort out things that have happened in the past. This page is to help you to understand what might be going on, as part of being a good dad is being able to think of things from your child’s point of view and to put them first.

It might be tempting to blame your ex if the children don’t want to see you. Give your child some credit! Most kids make up their own minds about things like this. They may need some time. Here are some of the reasons some children have told us they have for not wanting to see their dad or not wanting to see him so much:

“My dad used to see me and l liked it but then when he got busy he stopped bothering so much and it made me sad. I’ve got my mum and my brothers so I am OK now. Now my dad says he wants to start seeing more of me and that he is sorry. I don’t want to get upset again when he decides he’s too busy”

“My dad just won’t leave my mum alone. I think he is only asking to see us so he can get to her. We just want some time to get used to the new life – when he left, it was really hard for us but I don’t understand, why he keeps ringing up and texting and getting mad at mummy if she doesn’t reply. Why did he leave us if he still won’t leave her alone? It just makes more stress and we just need a break from it, then maybe when things are calmer we can start seeing him. It won’t take long and mum wants us to see him, but why won’t he just leave it for now?”

“I heard my dad tell his mate and his mum that he doesn’t see why he should give my mum money for us and that she’s expecting too much. I don’t get it – she just needs money to buy food for us. He’s got loads of new stuff for his new place and we can’t afford new clothes because he won’t give mummy any money. Mum isn’t asking for much and it’s all for us, so I don't understand.”
 
“He’s never met me, I don’t know him, I’ve got a good step-dad, it wouldn’t feel right”

“He’s horrible to my sister – he’s not her dad but she is my sister and he doesn’t understand that I love her too and don’t want him to be mean to her”

“My dad frightened my mummy and I didn’t like it because I love my mummy”

“Before he went to prison he just said horrible things about mummy, that it was all her fault he was going to prison. We went to visit him at first but he just asked us questions about mummy, like whether she had a new boyfriend. He didn’t seem that bothered about us”

 

It may be that your child really doesn’t want to have contact wit...

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