One of the main difficulties when dealing with two households is making sure that the rules are consistent in both. Kids can be right little… tykes when it comes to playing one parent off the other, so you need to be prepared.
You’ve got two options here – one is to try to negotiate with your ex and come to some agreement about as many issues as possible. This is really the ideal option. Remember that there are no right answers and only a small number of definitely wrong answers in parenting. Mostly we all have different styles for a number of reasons – usually because that that’s what our own parents thought about things should be done. If you are going to discuss rules and styles with your ex keep this in mind and be open to listening as well as explaining. You might want to think about writing a parenting plan together.
If you and your ex are unable to work something like this out though, things get a bit harder.
From quite a young age children are able to figure out that different places have different rules – school and home, for example. And it’s quite okay to simply explain, without disrespecting your ex, that different parents do things differently and set different rules. In short, your house, your rules.
Don’t be tempted to suggest that it’s because their mother is wrong, lazy or uncaring. You will only put them in a difficult situation of torn loyalties, or open the way to them making more comparisons and telling more ‘tales’. While you may not be together anymore, you’ll always both be parents, and undermining each other ultimately only hurts your kids.