Fever/Pitch! Week 6

I feel, with my current track record, that I should start this week with an apology. Because it's quite possible that something terrible might happen to you - and it's almost certainly because you're reading this blog.

Let me explain.....

At the beginning of last week I was forming the outline for a rather rib-tickling piece on the problems vs benefits of your in-laws (or "out-laws" as I had hilariously referred to them - I'm a comedy genius). Based around the great way you can leave your children with them 'Just for 10 minutes' and return 4 hours after seeing the latest cinema release and having eaten your body weight at the Pizza Hut buffet without them being able to moan at you.

Then my mother-in-law had a small stroke which has left her mercifully quite well but unfortunately half blind and a little unsteady. Get well very soon Phil.

So I turned my comedy sights on the problems Dads run into when they're left to look after their sick children. The sidesplitting anecdotes of trying to get those little sachets of Calpol open, onto a spoon and into your child without spilling it on every available surface (and onto some places where it won't be discovered until you tread your last pair of clean socks into it while running late for an important appointment) having to use the entire box to make up a single 10ml dose.

Then Swine Flu appeared and suddenly with people dead and dying of cough and cold symptoms the jovial mileage in that topic vanished from the screen in front of me.

As a last attempt I had confidently began typing the story of East Anglia's finest football heroes and their valiant and inspiring fight to remain in the Championship. The magnificent way those plucky Norwich City underdogs rose to the challenge, stuffed a hatfull of goals past bottom of the league Charlton while their collective spirit soared over bog-standard Barnsley making them crumble to the biggest defeat in football history therefore ensuring the mighty Canaries continued presence in the second tier ultimately leading to promotion to the Premiership, with the added bonus of the F.A.Cup next year.

Then Barnsley beat Plymouth 2-1 while Norwich lost 2-0 and were relegated.

So, that's that for this week. No funny ending, no cute play on words, no fancy tie in to a jocular comment made earlier on. So to ensure maximum safety for all I'm off to sit quietly in the garden in the middle of the lawn and I'll try again next week.

Provided I haven't been crushed by a meteorite.

Simon's been a nurse for nearly 10 years and has 2 children. Freddie - who's 6 and Phoebe - who's 3.

According to his C.V. he enjoys cooking for friends and and relishes the opportunity to create new dishes from homegrown ingredients. Less enjoyable is time seemingly wasted on the comparitive merits (or often otherwise) of following Norwich City football club and the all too woeful efforts of the England cricket team.

However, the sad truth is that Simon is really quite lazy, holds a personal grudge against Pete from Boogie Beebies and would sell his own mother for an unbroken nights sleep.