Going to trial

If you’ve gone through mediation, and you’re still finding yourself unable to reach an agreement, you’ll no doubt be feeling exhausted. But you need to keep your strength up, as the only option left to you now is going to trial.

If you go to trial, a judge will determine your parenting arrangements and property split for you. This only happens in a few cases, but bear in mind that afterwards, you will still need to be in contact with your ex, so try to keep things as civil as possible, as sometimes the trial can be more damaging than the separation. What you think is the “fair” outcome may not be the eventual outcome, so you’ll need to keep your expectations under control.

Court proceedings always set one person against another. This can be a huge source of conflict and can generate a lot of bad feelings. Choosing to go to trial is costly and stressful, and the outcome is always uncertain. You can quite easily end up spending far more than the property or possessions you’re fighting over in the first place. Children in particular find it extremely stressful when parents fight, so while you should be honest about what’s going on, try to shield them from the nitty gritty as much as possible.

Remember when dealing with the courts that they’re governed by rules and legislation – there’s nothing personal, and they’re not trying to make things difficult for you on purpose.

• Be polite and respectful to all the employees of the organisations you deal with. Remember, they’re human beings too, and you’ll get the best out of them by being helpful.
• Ask questions if you don’t understand. These decisions will affect the rest of your life, so you need to know exactly what’s going on. You’ll be under a huge amount of stress, and it’s easy to miss something under these conditions.
• Avoid blaming your former partner or “the system”. It won’t help your case.
• If you’re unhappy with how you’re being treated, make a formal complaint.
• Make sure you have all the information, and make sure you get advice before you sign anything.

Going to court is extremely stressful, but by being as polite as you can be, you can make sure that your relationship with your former partner will remain as positive as possible. Ultimately, it will ensure that you’ll be able to have a decent relationship with your kids in the future, which is really what this is all about.