Question: At what point do you realise that a baby is going to arrive and change your life forever?
Answer: Well, it depends on who you are.
It could be the day that she says ‘We’re pregnant!’ or the first scan, or perhaps feeling the baby kick for the first time.
For me it was my first Ante Natal class.
For the past few weeks I’ve been living in a bit of a fantasy/denial world. I attended two music festivals and one beer festival. Unsurprisingly, with just 6 weeks to go the misses was not present for any of these, so I only had one person to look out for, me. Bar the odd phone call and text home I was immersed in a sort of dream-world where all I worried about was the main stage itinerary, whose turn was it to get the beer and whether I felt brave enough to tackle the creature from the black latrine (that’s ‘festival portaloo’ to the layman).
I was having so much fun that for the first time since my lady got pregnant I realised what I was giving up. Some pretty selfish thoughts began forming in my mind, not really resentment, just a certain nostalgia for what I would miss in the years to come. I found myself looking around and trying to absorb the sounds, sights and smells (well, not so much the smells), trying to form a sentimental snapshot to carry with me.
But later on I thought - think about what you’re gaining. These new experiences to come would really be new experiences. One hundred percent never felt before…and then I started to feel guilty. I felt greedy, self obsessed and uncaring. Especially when I realised how easy male humans have it during the birthing process - sure we have to be there to hold our partner’s hand, but spare a thought for male seahorses - not only are they the ones giving birth, they go through 72 hours of awesomely painful labour before expelling up to 2000 (!!) baby seahorses. All of this soul searching happened in the space of about two hours on the journey home.
Upon arrival home it was actually some sort of relief to be back to reality and to my responsibilities. I was a bit disappointed with myself but I need not have worried, as any stupid male flights of fancy were about to be drop-kicked into touch.
Several weeks of hedonism had seriously caught up with me; I looked and felt, wretched. But I still needed to drag myself to the health centre for the first Ante Natal class. I was nervously anticipating cringe-inducing name games and excruciating ‘bear your soul’ type exercises - but it was far more brutal than that. The whole two hour session was on what to expect during labour and the birth.
Nothing clears a hangover like a large female midwife showing you the ‘beauty’ of child birth by shoving a Chucky doll through a yellow stained model pelvis. I swear to you that every man in that room had his legs crossed after that.
There were about ten couples in the room, and the really weird thing was that most of the questions and comments came from the men. Questions ranged from ‘do you have to pay for car parking?’ to ‘maternity towels – wings or no wings?’ I know …why would you ask a question like that? The women on the other hand just seemed to sit there and absorb it all. Perhaps they were stunned into silence.
It was a really informative couple of hours, and I came away with an understanding of what Vanessa will go through, what to watch out for and how I will need to support her. Suddenly I realised how much things were going to change – I also had a renewed spark of excitement on meeting my new child.
Having a baby is going to be an amazing experience… but man do I feel sorry for male seahorses.
Next week: Name Or Shame?
Dads Space contributor Simon Payne loves going to rock gigs, adding to his collection of Aztec tattoos, good wine, football and his PlayStation. He's also the co-founder of Mind Adrenaline, a team building and events company that specialises in organising creative days out for organisations around the globe.
He readily admits he is a bit of a late starter.