Only six weeks to go until the big day and this week the ‘bump’ really changed.
Ness has had an impressive growth spurt and the shape has changed dramatically. It had been quite round and bowling ball like but now it’s more cylindrical and torpedo like. The baby is also wriggling about a lot more and kicking its appendages in a startling fashion - I can now feel the difference between a foot and hand when I feel her stomach and it’s quite a weird experience. Let’s just say, that scene with John Hurt in Alien is never that far from my mind.
Talking of kicking, did you know that English professional footballers are almost twice as likely to be born in the autumn as during the summer? Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand were both autumn babies. So that means I could be the father to the next Frank, Stevie or Joey (Let’s hope not on that last one though, eh?). Which leads me nicely to names...
Despite all the ways you will influence your child’s life, prior to the birth none seem quite as important as choosing the name. When you start collating many lists (for there will be more than one, trust me) you stop seeing them as just a name, you start seeing the different personalities that fit the name, how other kids at school will use it or abuse it or even how it will look up in lights. So even before the poor thing is born you’ve already mapped out their entire life!
For the first time in my life I’ve had an interest in what a name means rather than just how it sounds. I’ve spent hours looking at baby name books and websites; I’ve watched my favourite films in a totally new way, listening intently to all the character names. I even bought a British history Who’s Who.
Eventually we had about ten different names. This list quickly began to diminish, as we started seeing the names we liked associated with crap popstars, reality TV muppets, suspects on Crimewatch and troubled youths on the local news. Finally we were down to four. We then made our biggest mistake - telling other people. You can go out on the street and ask anyone to give their opinion on just about anything and most of them will clam up or offer a shrugged ‘Don’t Know’. Give someone a list of names for your unborn child though and they feel they have the God given right to say what they bloody well like! Seriously, some people have been plain rude. For example, one of the names we like is Damien.
Let me give you a minute to think about that...
There, do you see? You pictured a large Rottweiler and the numbers 666, didn’t you? Or at the very least, that scene at the hospital in Only Fools and Horses.
People couldn’t wait to ridicule our names and give us a reason why we couldn’t use it. It was too common, too American, too posh, too chav, too satanic. In the end, a friend of mine suggested that we chose a name and keep it to ourselves - but also came up with a dummy name to keep the wolves at bay. We’ve now chosen a name, but the one we are telling everyone is ‘Cham’.
Add my surname and think about it. Ha, and indeed, ha.
Next week: Tats Entertainment
Dads Space contributor Simon Payne loves going to rock gigs, adding to his collection of Aztec tattoos, good wine, football and his PlayStation. He's also the co-founder of Mind Adrenaline, a team building and events company that specialises in organising creative days out for organisations around the globe.
He readily admits he is a bit of a late starter.