If you're being abusive, you're probably worried about how the situation might be affecting your children. Here are some potential outcomes:
- The children might be scared of you and unable to relax in your presence
- The children might be angry at you and try to get back at you or refuse to see or talk to you
- They might have learnt that violence and abusive behaviour is what works in relationships and use it against you or their other parent
- They might use what they have learnt from your behaviour at school, hurting someone else and possibly getting into a lot of trouble or expelled from school, damaging their education and future prospects
- They might be very protective of their mum and not trust you
- They might flinch if you try to discipline them or raise your voice or get even slightly irritated
- They might be very withdrawn or not want to leave their mum and cry or cling to her when you come to pick them up or come near them
- They might not feel able to rely on you
- They might feel betrayed by you and get back at you by using you for money or presents
- They might be very angry and bitter towards you
- They might feel very mixed up in their feelings towards you and show this in mixed behaviour
- They might want to tell you how it has been for them and not feel able to, or wait for you to ask and feel let down if you don’t
- They may need you to show that you understand and can take full responsibility for what happened before they can start to trust you again
- They may be very depressed or suicidal
- They may turn to drink or drugs
- You could lose all contact with them
You don’t want these things to happen to your relationship but they may have already. These could be reasons why your child doesn’t want to have contact with you or the courts don’t allow it, or their mum is anxious about agreeing to it.
There is more information about what you can do about contact disputes here.
Abusive behaviour you have commited is your responsibility and so is trying to repair the damage. You can start to take action today!