Programmes to help to stop abuse

You may have heard all sorts of things about programmes or not have a clue what they do. You may not be sure this is right for you or you may feel already that it isn’t. There’s no harm in finding out more about what they do and don’t do. Some dads who have been on programmes have things to say about what they got out of it. LINK.

• There to try to keep your partner/ex and children safe
• An opportunity for you to look honestly at your behaviour and decide what needs to change
• A chance for you to learn new ways of behaving in a relationship
• A help for you to be non-abusive in future relationships
• An opportunity for you to repair your relationship with your children or to understand why they are angry with you

• A guarantee of saving your relationship – that’s up to your partner and you
• A guarantee you will stop abusing – that’s still up to you
• A way of persuading the courts to grant you contact with your children if they have decided you aren’t safe to have direct contact with them – just attending isn’t enough, the courts will want to see that you have changed and the programme staff will be very skilled at assessing if you have
• Couples counselling or marriage guidance

• Contact your partner or ex-partner and offer her separate support and an opportunity to tell how it is from her point of view
• Have one or several sessions with you to find out more about why you’re there, what you want, what you have done in the past and how likely you are to benefit from the programme
• Include about 26 sessions in a group with other people in the same position
• Be run by a mixture of men and women
• Contact your partner regularly to see how she is particularly if the staff think you may have hurt her
• Work with you to keep you from being violent and abusive
• Listen to how you feel about your partner and help you to make sense of this
• Expect you to be honest, open and ready to listen to the programme staff and to others in the groups
• Be clear that violence and abuse are never acceptable and that you have the choice to change

When you first contact a programme they will usually want you to come in for an interview on your own, with a member of staff from the programme. This will usually be just you and the worker although some programmes will do some of this in a group.

• What abusive behaviour you have used against your partner, including emotional, sexual and
  financial as well as physical
• If you have ever injured your partner
• If the children have seen the abuse and if you think they have been affected by it
• If you have separated from your partner or not
• If you are using drugs or have a problem with alcohol – if this you are misusing drugs or alcohol they will usually want you to take action about this as well as the violence

Unfortunately, not every area in the UK has a perpetrator programme. For details on the nearest programme to you, call the Respect Phoneline, a service run by Respect – the UKassociation for domestic violence perpetrator programmes and associated support services – on 0845 122 8609 Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and 2pm to 8pm or go to www.respect.uk.net. The phoneline is an information line and does not provide counselling or emotional support.