But Annabel, who’s never bought anything in her life, haggles like the guy who trains Egyptian market traders to be so tenacious. A simple statement like ‘bed in five minutes’ can result in UN-like negotiations over which cuddly animals she’ll need, what time she’ll get up, which stories she’ll hear, the light levels and the temperature and humidity of the room. The talks can last twenty minutes, so even if she doesn’t win every concession, she’s got that extra extension in the bag.
“Don’t argue with her. Tell her.” That’s what you’re thinking. But such a hardline stance can backfire. It cuts down on the time spent in round-table discussions, but she sets her demands higher as a result. I already owe her two flats in London, a helicopter and a stud farm after successfully getting her to go to bed eleven minutes early just before Christmas.
Are all children like this? I used to think so, but recently we had a phone call. It was UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon wanting to talk to Annabel. It turns out he needed her to do an urgent tour of the world’s troublespots, leaving immediately. After she hung up, I asked her why she wasn’t packing. She snorted: “I told him no chance until after Fifi and the Flowertots, Backyardigans and Lazytown were finished on telly.”